Dear Fear,

Dear Fear,

First of all, I want to thank your for your input. I appreciate your honesty. I can see how you believe I would be interested in subscribing to your philosophy considering this partnership has gone on between us for so long. But the thing is, you have been calling all the shots for a very long time. You have been determining what direction we will be going in, or more accurately, not be going in. I’ve listened to your doubt and embraced the insecurities you have imposed on me. I’ve been comforted by your presence because it has been a consistent part of my life. You are the familiar face I recognize in a world of uncertainty.

You have talked me out of making decisions, claiming to be looking out for my best interests when really I think it is your best interests we have been serving all this time. I have willingly empowered you to become a stronger force in my life. I have fed you the fuel you needed to become stronger and bigger. I’ve allowed you to dominate my life.

You’re the toxic friend I have to let go of in my life. You’re the one who reinforces my lack of confidence. You remind me on a regular basis that I am not good enough. I need someone to lift me up not drag me down into the abyss of self-doubt while pulling away the rope. I need someone who believes in me, not someone who believes in suppressing me.

You have filled my head with so many versions of “What if…” that I never even considered the possibility What if you are wrong? What if all the stuff you have been telling me isn’t the truth at all but devious fiction you’ve created to serve your own purpose?

You believe that I don’t matter, that my thoughts and opinions aren’t valid, that I will fail if I give it a try.

And maybe you’re right.

But maybe you’re not.

Maybe, just maybe, I do matter. Maybe my thoughts and opinions are valid to someone other than you. Maybe I’ll fail but maybe I’ll try again and succeed.

You’ll be missed like any bad habit one acquires and tries to give up. I imagine you will find a way to try to creep back in my life. But I want you to know YOU’RE NOT WELCOME HERE ANYMORE. I’m dissolving this partnership. I’m stepping out of this dance I have become so dependent on and accepted as truth. I’m finally looking you in the eye and seeing your for what you really are

An excuse.

An excuse not to try, not to create, not to live.

Goodbye, Fear. We may meet again, but next time I will be prepared for you. I will acknowledge you but I won’t embrace you and let you back into my life.

Ever again.

And that, you can count on.

Melle

Inspired by Elizabeth Gilbert’s podcast Magic Lesson #9